WHEN I HATE YOU

Written Oct/05.

when I hate you I think of all the things you've said
your words run harsh with your mockery
dark with your anger
and all I see is your mouth shaping phrases
your lips curving hatred
your teeth sharp with scorn

when I hate you - which is often - I think of all the things you've done
every motion made is cutting
every gesture cruelty
and your laughter burns as it falls
your eyes promising hurt
your face carved in pure ice

when I hate you most I think of all the things you make me do
things done quick in violence
things done slow with thought
and my shame sickens me
for things I cannot make myself regret
for things I cannot stop myself regretting

but now, when I do not hate you, I think of all the things you are not
I see all the things you did not say
all the things you would not do
and now your face shows no anger
as there are things you could not make me do
and I hate you for making me hate you.